>I get a call at 2 AM
>"Hello? Who the fuck is this? Do you know what time it-"
>"How did you get my number?"
<"Dude I work for the FBI, what do you think?"
>"What do you want?"
<"I want to negotiate a deal between me and you, if you accept your life and manhood will be spared, if you don't..."
>"I see, what would this 'deal' be?"
<"zzzchan must go. Far too long you and your gentile crew of insubordinates have hindered our plans for webring domination, we've thrown everything we can trying to be 'subtle' but you're still there, like an annoying pebble jumping around in my shoe while I'm trying to jerk it to BLACKED pornography."
>"And if I refuse?"
<"You're done throwing wrenches in our gears either way. We will have to go with the nuclear option."
>"And that is?"
<"1 TB of CP will be planted on your personal HDD as well as your site's storage, the local authorities will get an 'Anonymous' tip, and you can figure out the rest."
>"What about the boards I gave a community to?"
<"They will join the greater 8chan™ sphere. They'll be safe in our
>After that sentence is over I overhear what sounds like a rat snickering in the background.
>"...Is there no other way?"
<"There is no other way. It's either the site goes down or 10 miles of the finest African-American BBC goes down in your rectum while you're in jail, I trust you'll enjoy doing it as much as I enjoy watching it.
>"I understand, I yield."
<"Very well, very well, I knew you'd cooperate. "
>I sigh and head over to my computer
>I then head over to the secret zzzchan discord and pretend everything is ok with the other guys
>"Yeah I'm like just gonna get another proxy it's like the 15th"
>Everyone has a good time
>10 minutes later I pull the plug and wipe the drives containing all the zzzchan data
>I call the number Acid left
<"Good work, Goy."
>A familiar voice replies.
>"Welcome to 8chan™ Embrace Infamy®. Now please, find your way to your nearest #Gamergate™ General and start posting to your heart's content. The PPH doesn't rise by itself HEHEHEHEHE."
>The notes of the national anthem of Israel start playing
End of rundown.